Take control of your sex life
Monday, March 5, 2007
Has your sex life gone from sizzling to so-so? Then take a look at your sex etiquette.
"Something you're saying or doing might be scaring him out of the bedroom," says Val Sampson, author of The Real Sex Kitten's Handbook (Quadrille Publishing, R121.56, www.kalahari.net).
"It's time to seize control of your sex life by turning around those little things that lead to bad, boring or no sex."
Read on to find out whether you've been jeopardising potential bedroom action...
| 'People who are truly in love enjoy giving each other pleasure' |
"Women often feel the need to confide in their partner before or after sex because the intimacy they experience makes them feel secure," says Val.
"Male brains work differently – they feel less engaged and would rather roll over and relax. You might be making him feel that in order to have sex with you he has to give you some form of commitment in return."
"If you feel the need to discuss marriage or domestic issues, don't do it in bed. Go for a walk so you can both escape if it gets too intense," says Val.
"That way, you'll feel less emotionally needy, and he won't feel manipulated into promising you something he might regret later."
| 'The sexiest quality to have is confidence' |
"It's not healthy if your sex life is on one person's terms," says psychologist Ingrid Collins.
"Sex should be about doing what you both like, together. People who are truly in love enjoy giving each other pleasure and don't resent having to respond to each other."
"One night, do whatever he wants in bed and the next time, it's your turn to choose. You'll learn about what the other specifically likes," says Ingrid.
"Many women feel their sex lives suffer because they don't know what to do. Ask your partner to show you what he likes – he'll be turned on by your willingness to try."
Libido loser 3: Being excessively insecure
Research by psychologist Dr Shirley Glass shows that men are more likely to stray if women show signs of being overly insecure.
"It's not that a man needs a break from his insecure girlfriend," says relationship expert Jean Smith, "it's that he needs a break from his own sense of failure. If he feels he can't make you happy, he's more likely to look for someone who makes him feel like he's doing something right."
"The sexiest quality to have is confidence," says Val.
"Don't keep on drawing attention to your perceived faults because he'll start believing in them. Of course nobody's perfect, but it's your charm and uniqueness that he loves. Find one thing you like about yourself and accentuate it. He'll notice, and be turned on by your enthusiasm for sex far more than your wobbly thighs or dimply bottom!"
We're loving ourselves
According to new research, only 0,3 percent of men are attracted to their own sex, as opposed to eight percent of women.
The survey of 3 500 people conducted by sex expert Dr Richard Lippa found that a high sex drive in women increases the likelihood of sexual attraction to both men and women, whereas a high sex drive in men just increases their lust for women.
In fact, highly sexed women are 27 times more likely to be attracted to their own sex.
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