Will the Real Swinger Please Stand Up
Monday, August 4, 2008
You would think with all the clubs, websites, parties and groups with the name Swinger attached to it, that we would have no problem finding genuine lifestyle folks in our area. But despite the multitude of options, finding "the real swinger" is proving more and more difficult.
I almost hate saying the word real swinger. When we first got into the lifestyle 6 years ago, this turn was thrown around as a debate between the up and coming soft swinger movement and the fullswappers. As I have seen more and more "soft" swingers become fullswap, I would rather just say that they are swingers waiting to have their cherry popped. However, as the popularity of swinging has grown, so has the even softer swinger. These are the "swingers" that have made it more difficult to find the real swinger, soft or fullswap. These swingers refuse to go to a party unless it has 5 to 6 other activities to do outside of playing. They must be severely liquored up and drunk before they feel comfortable in taking part in any activities. Worst of all they are uncomfortable with themselves and sex.
It is unfortunate that lifestyle communities are now infested with this new softer swinger, but even more unfortunate is how the infestation began. The door to the lifestyle was once difficult to find let alone squeeze through. My wife and I searched for a lifestyle club for a year before we were brought into the secretive world. That door has been slowly creeped open by those whom seek to make profit, whether it be money or popularity. For every rule a club, group or website has, that is 5 to 10 to 100 potential customers whom they have to turn away. I have seen many good friends who began a club or event with good intentions of creating a haven for the community, and then slowly let those intentions erode as the inticement of greed becomes too great.
Out of the dozens of clubs and parties in our area, only 3 (one of which is ours) screens people before they attend. One club is the etitomy of the softer swinger, nonsexual banging club music all night, an invite list that consists of their real estate agent and family members, single men roaming in feral packs, play a severe rarity, an entry fee that is exhorbant when considering it is located in a residential apartment. As an example of a rampant new ideology in the lifestyle, the softer swinger is the new swinger, as the owners have told us.
In a turn of irony, the real swinger is slowly being pushed to the back of the lifestyle, as the more socially pallattable softer swinger style influences the lifestyle clubs and events. But, there are still secrets to finding other likeminded real swingers. Signup on websites that are run by lifestylers. The more questions they ask before approving your profile the better. If you sign up for an event and the organizer never speaks to you, be leary. Word of mouth is more important than how many individuals are on the guest list. The Real Swinger may have to inact strategies of the swingers from a decade or two ago, before the internet, and ask other real swingers where to go. Read a club's rules and forms. How genuine do they seem in the lifestyle. Ask around. Ask do the hosts play. Does it seem like they are running a sex show where the 3 or 4 real swingers who go will be the main attraction? The real swinger may be difficult to find, but it certainly is not going extinct.
I haven't seen this trend in WA. I may not have been swinging as long as you have, but in my experience, there are both softer swing situations like dances where the big thrill is to get felt up, as well as clubs which have theme nights like gang bangs, threesomes, and more.
Where I live, I could go to five or six clubs within a two hour radius, all of which advocate full swaps, or individual play.
I just blogged about a couples retreat weekend that I attended earlier this year, and it was a blast! No, I didn't play full on as hard as I do sometimes, but I had a fabulous time. I like a mix of softer events with harder play times. Sometimes it's about the friendships which form and not about putting notches on my belt.
